How to drive while stoned

Merry Christmas all and a Happy New Year!!! At this time posts appear about making goals for the new year…so I thought..lets try something different and teach you something more PRACTICAL for the new year!

Credit goes to ‘The Professor’ for this brilliant guide! (on a side note posts are back to a weekly post schedule, ill be gracing the web on Wednesdays! and link love posts ported to a once a month…keep an eye out next month for a few great reviews on Smart Sort and Widget Locationizer plugins and a look at GPL in regards of themes and plugins)  -ed

Now without further wait:

How to drive while stoned

1. If you think that you are going to fast you probably aren’t, so step on the pedal grandma! More stoners get pulled over for driving too slow than drunks do for weaving!

2. For some added fun, try doing the old trick that drunks do and put one hand over one of your eyes to eliminate double vision, it don’t do shit for driving while stoned but it does make it a bit more challenging.

3. Have something cool to drink within easy reach. Accidents are bound to happen while you are reaching behind your seat to grab a soda or beer to quell that mad case of cottonmouth that you have.

4. Along those same lines always keep a handy supply of M & M’s or some form of sweets nearby and in easy reach in order to vanquish the munchies. Drunks have their Denny’s (to our non – usa friends that is a lame restaurant that is open 24/7 and famous for the 2:30 am drunks having breakfast) and due to the economy the number of Stop and Robs ( 7-11 stores) has gone down dramatically so it is no longer a simple matter of hitting the local store for munchies at any time.

5. Avoid driving stoned after the bars close. Coppers are at their peak during these hours looking for people such as ourselves.

6. Avoid driving stoned during rainstorms. Have you ever tried to see in a storm while your bleeding to death through your red ass stoner eyes? I rest my case.

7. Do not, and I repeat do not drive while under the influence of either 1. Mescaline  2. LSD people on these substances should just not even attempt to drive. This was a sad lesson that cost my neighbors 39 mailboxes and me a lot of cash so trust me. Hitting mailboxes timed to the beat of Queens “We Are The Champions” sounds like a much better idea than it actually is.

That’s about all I have for this tutorial on driving while stoned. I am sure that there are tons of things I left out but evidently I am too stoned to remember them, next tutorial will be on how to write a tutorial while stoned.

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